The Anticipation

Same, Picasso. Same.

I'm laying here on a traditional mattress, under a solid roof, listening to the waves of Lake Ontario. Today was going to be launch day, but one thing I already know about this lifestyle is that plans change. Last night at this time, I was laying in roughly the same spot imagining what I would be hearing through the tent walls at the first campground stop. I dreamt about camping and having to set-up and break camp in the rain (and then got up and shut the window to protect the room from real precipitation).

Last night, I was also sick with anticipation. I was checking everything over and making sure it was all where I could access it in the duffel bags. Then, in a moment of physical pause at midnight when I still couln't sleep, I let myself update my spreadsheet with the arrival time for the first campground - which is how I found out that since the weather turned over the last week, they decided to close for the season. In a panic, I checked the second stop website to find out they were going to be undergoing renovations and I could not just proceed to that park instead.

I finally slept, after hours of searching for alternatives. The time change helped, but I needed some time to talk things out and make revised plans. This time, I opted only for parks that could guarantee reservations. Of course, that means I have to start some other day instead, because you cannot book too far ahead on a Sunday morning in the camping off-season. 

Today, I spent most of my day taking walks, attending to the dog, and looking for the credit card I used as a bookmark last night. Basically, I paused. Now, my anticipation isn't sick, it's filling. It's exciting like opening night or the first game of the season; you know you're ready but it still feels like it is a brave new frontier. This trip literally IS a leap into a lifestyle of experiencing frontiers across the country. Lots of people have done this before. Some have written whole books about it. But this experience, my experience, will be fresh, personal, and unique. I could visit all 423 national park units and never see everything that this country has to offer.

I'm going to meet people from entirely different backgrounds or circumstances, smell new flavors of grass (to which I am hopefully less allergic), and hear the sounds the night makes, maybe even the pulse of the Earth. There is a LOT to look forward to seeing, doing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching, feeling, being. 

The thing I am most anticipating is developing a positive relationship with myself, forged by spending significant quality time in self-care. I talked with a friend this week about just living during this trip, being a "human being, not a human doing." I'll be doing plenty of things, and I'm stating my primary goal: to just be... me. It's difficult to not be exhilarating-level anticipatory about that.

Keep coming back!