Backstory: Falling in Love (Again)

It’s been a long time since I fell in love. The first time was a learning experience. Looking back, I wish we were still in touch so I could apologize for a million things: not respecting boundaries, giving an ultimatum, acting out because of jealousy, not clearly communicating, and having expectations set by 90’s rom-coms; just to name a few. Carl, if you ever read this, thank you for your patience, kindness, and hugs. 

Unsolicited advice #1 to anyone in the dating world: do not break up with someone at the beginning of a day where you have to appear in public together and only have one vehicle for transportation. It will be awkward. Not saying that has happened to me, just guessing.

The next time was a coincidence. I didn’t even know we’d been on a date until months later. We were just really good friends. A signal that it was unrequited was when he started dating someone else - and asked my advice about it.

Unsolicited advice #2: have healthy boundaries when communicating with someone who you are in love with (or anyone, really). Otherwise, you could be stuck without a ride to the airport just before an international flight. Okay, this did actually happen to me. I made my flight, though.

When I fell in love again, it was the marrying kind. It’s been years since we’ve seen each other, but I’m not sure I’ve processed how to describe this love, yet.

Unsolicited advice #3: loving someone with your whole heart - even if it gets broken - is still worth it. If nothing else, romantic-comedies have this old trope right.

This time, I am falling in love with myself. I guess it’s about time already, I’ve known me for 40 years and I always seem to be around, wherever I go. My pause is to find ways to be passionate about my own life again, to believe in myself unconditionally, and to take care of myself as I would the most precious person in my life.

If you haven’t guessed, I watched the Celine Dion-infused movie Love Again and got all up in my feels. It’s not the regular use of this blog and has significantly greater possibility than probability for showing up here again. However, transformation happens for me when I talk (or write) things out; and my heart needs some transforming. 

A dear friend is convinced I am in the beginnings of my own Hallmark movie plot and encourages me to practice having an open heart. I’m going to let that open heart begin with myself. To find out how it is going in that metaphysical-pumper, you’ll have to keep coming back.