Flashback: 13 Years Ago

St. David's Episcopal Church in Ashburn, Virginia

I used to remember the exact program of the service. I could have told you which songs happened when and what time each event was scheduled and maybe even what we had for dinner.

I used to recall which songs got who dancing and the name of the type of bustle my dress had.

Now, I can still regale you with the story of how we discovered the wedding crasher in a chili pepper tie and the empty wrapped present box he left on the gift table. I can clearly see my grandmother dancing with my aunts and the absolutely stunning three-tiered cake-pop dessert table. The live band played "Love Shack" when I asked them not to, but it got everyone on the dance floor.

My best friend decorated the honeymoon suite with roses laying all over; which was especially memorable because the thorny stems were not removed.

I used to spend huge swaths of each March 31st remembering that one thirteen years ago fondly. Today was different, because for the first time in thirteen years, I used to be married.

I could be angry at my past self for getting married, but the getting married wasn't a mistake. I made the best decision I could at the time with the information I had. This year marks the first time since 2012 that my last name is legally the same as it was at my birth. I almost have all the official identification papers updated, and by next year, all of that nonsense (and hopefully the remaining financial entanglements) will be memories, too.

A part of me wonders if he thinks about it today, too; what we were to each other when we said "I do".

My success for today was making it past midnight and into another month. I'm really proud of myself for that. It isn't the first time this anniversary grated on me like the metal wind wheel next door that desperately needs to be oiled. It probably won't be the last.

So, I write of the things that brought me joy then, like praying the rosary with my grandmother before the service and jumping in the air on a beautiful golf course to get a goofy picture. Because, looking back to thirteen years ago, I had a really fun day with people that I loved. Who doesn't want to remember days like that?

Keep coming back.