Surviving Unemployment

Piper in her "cone of shame" hiding her head under the bed. Unemployed life has made me feel the same way somedays; but like the cone won't stay on forever, this too shall pass.

I have been unemployed for 94 days.

Before everything else, I want to acknowledge that I am beyond blessed to have been able to move into the guest room at my parents' house. Not everyone is as lucky as I am.

Nevertheless, in a society where we are so often defined by what we do, not working is stressful. A little over three months in, I have some unsolicited advice.

1. Make a plan for Mondays.

In my world of unemployment, my job is to apply for jobs. Mondays are the worst day to be unemployed for me because new jobs have not posted on many sites since Friday, and may not again until the end of the day. If it was something I was planning on applying for, I did it already. 

This is why my advice is to make a plan for Mondays, so that something keeps you away from checking your email every ten seconds. If you don't think you can do that, apply on the HR websites on Fridays and over the weekend and then email the appropriate person on Mondays to express your particular interest. Then leave the house.

2. Get better.

I believe in getting better everyday. This doesn't mean anything specific or SMART goals style (though it could if you are more disciplined than I am), just that you are actively working on yourself. When I am working 50+ hours a week, I don't spend much time reading non-fiction. For me, this has been a time to continue developing my leadership skills, read about successes in my field, and hone techniques (like networking) that I normally find perfectly productive reasons to avoid doing.

My unemployment reading list so far includes:

A parable that guides the reader through understanding how the energy they exude becomes the energy they experience. Includes actual examples and lots of memorable phrases you can apply to life.

If you like Ted Lasso, this book is a great dive into the characters and motivations for those who lead (or follow) on teams or in workplaces. It's like reading a psychology book where you actually understand the archetypes that are being presented.

This one uses volleyball as the framework, but it has nuggets that can be applied to a variety of environments. It's a fantastic read for coaches of any kind.

This is a re-read for me. It is such an inspiring book and I've used it time and again in the last few years. Super volleyball specific, but could be useful to those who want to build championship programs measured in more ways than just wins and losses.

If you are feeling a lack of confidence for any reason, get thee to a library and check out this book. It speaks in real world language and has potential to help you focus your strengths.

I just added two more books to my pile and I have a few others that I'll post about later when I'm farther along in them. Reading and learning are ways I choose to get better everyday.

3. Wallow.

Watching the Puppy Bowl with Piper.

If you are seeking this out to read, you are presumably unemployed for reasons outside of your control. Feeling sad, angry, tortured, annoyed, relieved, disgusted, flummoxed, or any other mix of things that could be construed as upset is perfectly reasonable. Moreover, when you lose a job you have worked so hard to attain, it feels like failure (even though it isn't), shakes your confidence, and/or breaks your heart. It is okay to wallow when having these feelings.

Wallowing, while prescribed, is, like so many things, best in moderation. Some days, I am overwhelmed with the grief that comes with unemployment. On those days, I let myself take breaks. I bake something just because I enjoy baking or find some nature to explore or re-read the entire seven-book Harry Potter series. 

Taking advantage of time
 to hang with this little wizard! 

The wallowing part (watching bad television, eating things that are super not good for you, avoiding other humans, napping just to avoid being awake, etc.), like cookies in the oven, gets a timer. 

Sometimes, I wallow for most of a day (see: Make a plan for Mondays above). But with distance from the exact moment of shocking revelation, I can let myself just watch an hour of ridiculousness while eating brownies, and then get up and call a friend to check in on their life. It's difficult to wallow alone, so having persistent people who will not let you bail on your end-of-wallowing timer is critical.

4. Create.

Creating is probably the lynchpin of my sanity. So far I have made:

• A data spreadsheet of the 400+ DIII teams with breakdowns on their performance over the last season.
• Multiple feature layers for ArcGIS Online that will be useful when I am recruiting again.
• Identification spreadsheet of every accredited public and private school in the United States that might field athletic teams for any grade 9-12
• Layered sugar-free chocolate cake with cranberry and vanilla pastry creams with a dark-chocolate mirror glaze.
• Soft pretzels
• Irish soda bread
• Paint-by-numbers of flowers and nature scenes
• Dinner (a few times)
• Blog posts on fabulous trips I never shared pictures of before
• Memories with loved ones

Making something feels productive because it is. If you are craving productivity and do not feel like cleaning out your junk drawer (though that could totally be a Monday activity!), creating something can be a balm to the soul.

5. Take care of you.

I have had more pedicures in the last three months (two) than I have had in the preceding three years (one). I've had a haircut and am remembering to put on moisturizer with sunblock. You are going to be interviewing for your next job SOON. Use your dental insurance before it runs out, pick up your medications from the pharmacy, and take that random afternoon appointment for the physical you've not gotten in a long time. Hydrate. Meditate or do things that focus your breathing. Take care of essential paperwork so you are free of those burdens when you start a new job.

More than anything else, I suggest sleep. Not depression or African sleeping sickness-level sleep, but actual, uninterrupted, rest. Mostly, I suggest sleeping when you can because stress can wreak havoc on your nervous system and disrupt sleep. I have nightmares or days of insomnia, so when I can, I sleep. My body appreciates the effort to give it time to reset and I don't look completely haggard if I get a last minute invite to jump on a Zoom with a potential employer.

Taken during a pause at Congaree National Park in South Carolina. 

Being unemployed can feel like living in the upside down. The view isn't as clear as the reflection, but everything seems upside down and backwards. This is not Stranger Things, though. It's just life.

None of these five suggestions are easy everyday. It does not benefit me to compare myself to others or try to force myself into tasks that increase my stress. I stay flexible so I can be available for employer requests and so that I can take a measure of where I am in the moment. If I want to go to the gym, I go to the gym. If I want to lay in the hammock, I lay in the hammock. I can job search from both of those places, I can take breaks in either of those places, I can enjoy the company of others in person or by phone and exist as a human being instead of a human doing.

You are in an employment pause. You are not alone. You are enough. If you have the means, pursue your passions. And, if you have the time, keep coming back.